Ranting about Literature

Today I saw a little blurb that suggested Virginia Woolf's To The Lighthouse was the best beach read ever. To which I immediately said, WTF?

There's just so much wrong with that statement, which yes, I do realize was meant partially in jest. But what's behind that jest? Nothing less than the usual insulting dig at commercial fiction and the readers thereof-- actual beach read books, which I hope we can agree are books you can take to the beach and read to forget your problems or simply enjoy an exciting story. To suggest that To The Lighthouse is a beach read is simply absurd. It implies that people who read actual Beach Reads are somehow so silly and harebrained that we have to be led down the path to literature because otherwise Beach Readers would never know about Virginia Woolf.

And then there's To The Lighthouse itself. This book is not an easy read. It takes concentration and exquisitely careful attention to the prose. I once said To The Lighthouse is a cubist novel and it is. If offers a perspective that shifts and feels uncomfortable and forces you to struggle to give shape to what you're reading. You are forced to see the world and The Novel itself in a whole different way. It is a tour de force. But as you learn how to follow the shifts and make new shapes from the prose, a new world opens up.

To The Lighthouse is NOT a beach read. And guess what? I've read To The Lighthouse and I've read actual beach reads and I get value from both. I bet I'm not the only one.

True Blood

Last night I watched the season 2 premier of True Blood, the HBO series based on Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse books. Which, by the way, I loved.

Then I heard about a controversial opinion that in the final scene of the episode, Eric Northman bites the penis off a hapless redneck who has done vampires wrong. Could that be so? I know other appendages were, er, removed (an arm, seen in silhouette), but was there actual biting off of a male member? Well, upon review the scene and doing my best not to be distracted by the obvious fact that my One True Love Alexander Skarsgard has been working out, I can only conclude that, well, yes. He did do that.

My Current Obsession

Did you read the paragraph above? No, not To The Lighthouse. Alexander Skarsgard. I have it bad. Really bad. It's embarrassing and mostly I'm not even embarrassed.

In other News

I have begun receiving my candy of the month from the brilliant Hank Phillippi Ryan and guess what? Since I won it in Brenda Novak's diabetes auction (ignore the irony! It's for a good cause!) I'm in the club all by myself. And I'm not sharing. Sorry.

Not really.

Also, I finally worked my way out of my earliest dead end in a Work In Progress (WIP) ever. Chapter 4, for crying out loud. But now I'm out of it and things are looking pretty good.

I'm not due for another episode of Writer's Neurosis for another 6 chapters at least.

So, who else loves Alexander Skarsgard?

Labels: books, chocolate, literature, The Next Paranormal, True Blood, writing

My birthday is April 30th. And I am going to celebrate with you! Please send tens and twenties -- just kidding!!

Probably I'll make other prize announcements, but this one might bust the limited funds of the Bank of Carolyn.

1 pound of Leonides Chocolates. You pick your assortment, up to $34.00. I'll have them shipped to you.



Leave a comment and commit to leaving an email or checking back on 4/30/2009 to see if you've won.

Chances are good I'll throw in an ARC of My Forbidden Desire or something.

Labels: chocolate, contest, My Forbidden Desire

Courtesy of Simon and Schuster (and Twitter!) I have five copies of Jennifer Weiner's Certain Girls to give away to 5 random commenters on this post. Last day to comment is April 10. Instructions at the end!

Touchingly funny and tender, with Weiner's whip-smart dialogue and sharp observations of modern life, Certain Girls is an unforgettable story of love, loss and a daughter's search for the truth about her family.

Certain Girls is the kind of book that gets under your skin, reminding you what it felt like when you were thirteen and capturing exactly what it feels like now. Laura Zigman, The Washington Post

Hiliarious... Weiner offers her signature snappy observations and spot-on insights into human nature. Publisher's Weekly

To have a shot at your very own copy to read, leave a comment discussing the role of chocolate in your life. Love it? Hate it? Favorite item made of chocolate? If you don't have a gmail id you'll need to leave me an email address otherwise I might be in the unhappy position of being unable to inform you that you are a winner.

Your entry must be at least one word. Carolyn Karma Points (CKP) for honesty and/or humor. I made up the CKP, but I know you'll want to have some. CKP's rock. Your life will be better if you have some. Now imagine what it would be like for you to have CKP PLUS a free copy of this book.

Yeah. Pretty awesome.

Leave your comment by midnight Pacific April 10, 2009.

I'll start with an example.

Dark chocolate. Yeah, baby. I wish I could eat more of it. Well, I could, but if I did, there just aren't enough hours in the day to exercise off the amount I would like to eat on a daily basis.

Labels: books, chocolate, free stuff

At the end of this post, I have some questions for you but first, it's National Poetry Month, so here is a poem by yours truly:

Chocolate, A Dirge To Perfection

Just now I finished my hot chocolate
Sadness
Sorrow
Sob
Oh hot chocolate,
My mind is lonely
Without you
And yet the inside of
my belly
Seems quite content.
Such power you have
Over my matter and mind.

And now, just so you appreciate the difference between good and bad, chocolate and no chocolate, here is a poem by a real poet:

At Eleusis, by H.D.

What the did,
they did for Dionysos,
for ecstasy's sake:

now take the basket,
think;
think of the moment you count
most foul in your life;
conjure it.
supplicate,
pray to it;
your face is bleak, you retract,
you dare not remember it:

stop;
it is too late.
The next stands by the altar step,
a child's face yet not innocent,
it will prove adequate, but you,
I could have spelt your peril at the gate,
yet for your mind's sake,
though you could not enter,
wait.

What they did.
they did for Dionysos,
for ecstasy's sake:

Now take the basket--
(ah face in a dream,
did I not know your heart,
I would falter,
for each that fares onward
is my child;
ah can you wonder
that my hands shake,
that my knees tremble,
I a mortal, set in the goddess' place?)

Now for the questions:

My blog has been boring lately. What should I do for more fun and games here?

Maybe a poetry blog contest? Like, everyone write a poem on the subject of chocolate and somebody will win something?

Polls?

Quizzes?

What?

How about a picture of your pet contest? And if you don't have a pet, make one up or lie or something.

Please help.

Labels: Bad Poetry, chocolate, Fun, Poetry

In case you don't recognize the blog title, that's the audio for a zombie, which would be me. Oh, the humanity!

Ask me if I got any work done today. Go head, ask.


No! No, I did not! If you have any brains you have already snatched back your hand -- and in the nick of time, too, I might add. Why? Because I had a lunch meeting (no lunch provided) so I had to eat my lunch at my desk while I caught up and attended to another work matter. I had to go home, throw in a load of laundry then get my son to his Math thing and then take him all the way across town to work on an (unexpected) English project, then go grocery shopping, then home to put away groceries, throw the wash in the drying, then sit down and participate in a chat with FBI Agent Julia Hunter. I missed the first half of it because I was home later than expected. But what an awesome awesome chat. Then my son got a ride home (yes! 15+ miles of driving saved for Mom!) but I had to make him dinner and fold laundry and approve the final design of my new soon-to-be-revealed website.

And now I'm tired and going to bed.

Oh, plus after I finished brushing my teeth, I opened the new floss and it would not dispense the floss no matter what I did. So I give an extra hard tug on the floss and pop the top flies off, the bottom falls down and with me holding onto the end of the floss, I watch my naked roll of floss unroll all the way to the floor. Sure, I have floss now, but mint floss enough for three people. Sigh

But now my teeth are extra minty flossy, and even though I have no money because I mailed bookmarks, books and a prize, I'm still going to bed happy because I get to sleep. My second favorite thing to do.

Good night!


The first favorite thing to do is drink sipping chocolate at Viva Cocolate. All of you come to Petaluma and let's indulge. Why, what were you thinking?

Labels: chocolate, writing or not, Zombies

I have the day off work, but am not feeling well enough to enjoy it much. The Cold is getting worse. Ick and ick again. It's raining cats and dogs and it's windy. I ate way too much chocolate yesterday and today. Further, I made the horrible error of ordering my Leonidas chocolate from other than my usual source. They sent the wrong selection and did not pack it appropriately such that most of the chocolates arrived broken. For future reference, the ONLY place to order your Leonidas chocolates is from Leonidas-chocolate.com. Don't make my tragic mistake. Megan F can probably take the bus or something to get hers, they're at 487 Madison Avenue, New York. The wonderful folk at the Madison Avenue store pack their chocolates in foam blocks and they never send the wrong kind either. Sniff. I've now bookmarked the correct site and won't be making that mistake again.

I've been mulling over my hero for Magellan's Witch. I have a very specific mood in mind that I really want to pull off. Oh. Gee. My fogged brain is getting foggier. OK. I'll just muddle along here.

We had a wonderful Christmas here. My mom got me a sweatshirt that says Careful, or you'll end up in my novel. My best friend got me typewriter bookends. My dog is asleep on my lap right now. The kids loved and appreciated their presents. Right now, my son is working on a large paint-by-numbers Panda that I got him. He's good at detail like that. I have errands to run, but don't feel well enough to run them. Oh, well. I've been reading The Historian. Very good, but to be perfectly honest, there are genre vampire novels that get it much better. As I recall, Dark Jewels was better.

I've been reading a lot. I re-read all my Black Dagger Brotherhood books, and then I read over on Romance : By the Blog that Michelle Buonfiglio managed to get her hands on #4, Lover Revealed. Arghh!!! I wanna read this book! Sorry, MB, I do hate you because you've read it. (OK, not really, but here I am sick and feeling sorry for myself and I just know I would feel much much better if I had this book to read. Now.) I also read Loretta Chase's Mr. Impossible which I totally loved.

And I got my copy of Gina Trapani's Lifehacker which I've been flipping through and really enjoying. When I'm feeling better, I'm going to implement several of the suggestions, which are mostly about how to use technology to actually improve your life. None of them are terribly complicated, some are common sense, and some I have already implemented for other uses. Like using Instiki, which is a personal wiki. But I use it for writing stuff, not life stuff. But now that my son has a real computer, I'm going to re-commandeer my old laptop, install Linux on it and turn it into a web server so I can set up a more robust wiki.

Personal note to Patti O'Shea: I never get lie, lay right either so I write around that, but my ninth grade English teacher gave us this sentence to remind us of the distinction between affect and effect: The sound Effect Affected my ears. It helps to repeat this sentence with a deliberate emphasis on the opening vowel sound of the two buggers... er.. words. Therefore, when you are confronted with the effect/affect dilemma repeat that sentence to remind you of of the distinction. Thus: The effect was fantastic. E word. He was glad his whisper affected her. A-word.

I think that's it for now. I need to go lie down.

Labels: books, chocolate, pesky English, writing