Carolyn's Blog

Sunday, October 31, 2004

So, today, I futzed around and worked on the plot grid and then went to another writer's web site and really should not have done that. First off, she's gorgeous and has lived a glamorous life, plus her book sounded so fanstastic I went and bought it plus a bunch of other books I've been meaning to read which means that since I went book shopping with my son this afternoon, I have spent over $100 on books today. And then after I finished looking at this beautiful talented glamorous writer's website, what was my computer wallpaper (which I cycle every 15 minutes due to my short attention span)?? A blurry off kilter camel face sticking out its tongue. Phhht. Sheesh. I am not beautiful, not glamourous, my life would bore a sloth and I have no contracts. Plus I hate my website. It's boring. Tonight, I'm going to swipe the good chocolate from my son's trick-or-treating booty, and I will eat it all. Probably I will have to pay him for the chocolate. And then I will be a in bad mood when I put on my pants later in the week.

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Saturday, October 30, 2004

Engaging in Avoidance Behavior again. I read Jennifer Crusie's Bet Me. Enjoyed it. Ate chips while reading. Futzed with the website. Need to futz some more. Kept catching sight of my plot grid for the new project and eventually did some work on that. Got a fair bit done. But I'm feeling a bit lost since I have outstanding questions for the editor who hasn't called me yet. I think the color-coding is helpful. I've adjusted the meaning of the colors:

• green: action
• yellow: villain
• blue: H/H emotion (this needs refinement)
• pink: sexual tension etc
• orange: Tick (meaning it's a peak in the story line, the stakes just got escalated.

I suspect, but am not certain, that this will prove most useful when I have more of it done, such that it's not vapor-ware work, but based on actual scenes written. I know from experience that 95% of the first draft gets thrown out, but maybe that's because I never did a grid before. Gotta start somewhere.

Also, still stressing in general, since, in point of fact, I have no actual contracts and no agent.

Also, also, have been reading about readers who are bemoaning the current state of the Regency Historical and I just keep thinking, what until you read The Rake, because my story will change things. That's what I think. fwiw.

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

So, finished the edits on The Rake, and have sent it to JC to read, probably updated chapters to Kate this weekend. Anyway, working on other project. Had a good idea, but wrestling with location. I think the grid thing helps. I've already disposed of several stupid ideas. Cool project, though. But too much other stuff keeps coming up. sigh. I've gotten some nice emails about my writing lately, and I'm going to go read them again to cheer myself up.

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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Plus, I am getting bored with my website and have been looking for inspiration to prettify it. When I was in college, I used to call that engaging in avoidance behavior which sometimes is a safe place to be.

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I am having such a cruddy day. The Rake going well. I have one chapter to re-write from GML's pov and I'm thinking of making OC seem really jovial and nice only, of course, he's not at all. Everyone likes him. But most of it reads really, really well and I'm pleased. Asked Kate if she wanted to see the revised chapters and she said she'd love to (is that because she read the others and was ready to decline?) I think I have issues. arghh! or is that sigh? That's the kind of day I'm having.

On the other project, paranoia has set in. Still working on it though. Editor emailed me today asking a kind of weird question and saying that something else was taking a little longer to wrap up so he hasn't called me yet. So, people have lives and jobs and other projects having nothing to do with me, I realize this. But I have a very horrible depressing scenario all worked out, involving him using the SASE and rejecting me.

Haven't been to the POB yet so I don't know if the last two agents have rejected me yet. Then, I'll probably just give the agent thing a rest, because it's too depressing. On the other hand, I've gotten to read The Rake several days running without needing to gut chapters and re-order and, most of all, I'm enjoying reading it because it's coming together. So, really, things could be much worse. Unless paragraph 2 above comes true. Then my career is over.

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Sunday, October 24, 2004

The Rake officially hit 95K words, but there may be a chapter to cut. I don't know because when I read it last, somehow 34 was in there twice, without 35 (leaving word count more or less intact, so I didn't suspect anything until I got to chapter 35 which sounded horribly familiar.) I thought for a moment I'd written the same thing twice and felt like crying that I could be as bad a writer as that. I was relieved to discover I was only stupid. I have been very stupid lately. Stressed and tired, I think.

Someone who read the chapter posted on the website pointed out that the opening was confusing. Oops. I fixed it. (Thank you, Katie P!) It fixed pretty good, I think it's way better now. Have given more thought to the agent thing and have decided that if I end up with a contract offer on Monday, I will call the agent who requested material a year ago (which I never sent because it sucked too bad) and tell her I'll send her Lord Ruin and The Spare, but that if she wants to see The Rake, she needs to keep in mind that it's not done. Well, it's a plan, a lame plan, but a better plan than my current Plan A which is to never mind getting an agent at all. I'm just a little weary of agent rejection, that's all.

My other project is going along. Since the editor asked me to work on it, or at least keep thinking about it (so, things are looking good, right? Insecurity has set in and I am, of course, stressing about possible dreadful outcomes) I have a plotting grid (color-coded!) all set up on account of if I do this, I'm going to have to write fast and I can't afford to let stuff sit in the wrong place. I'm hoping this will help. Most of the grid is blank right now, but that will change. I had a good idea last night about a scene that should take place, so I've roughed that in, too. I'm going to be the Elmore Leonard of Romance writers and not write any of the boring stuff. Also, I have a notebook with a list of questions, comments and observations ready to discuss with the editor who promised me a call on Monday.

Some day, I may actually be a real writer.

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Thursday, October 21, 2004

So, weird day. Looks like a go on the alternate project. Will know more Monday, I hope. Got a nice email from someone on The Rake, which I think is shaping up nicely. Rejected by famous agent's assistant. Got to get back to work because I need to get in the last round of Rake edits and then continue working out thoughts on alt project so as to be coherent and massively impressive when I speak to the editor on Monday. Plus, must feed son.

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Monday, October 18, 2004

Well, I am less depressed now because last night after I moved that chapter etc. and kept reading it wasn't so bad. Read some today. Not icky.

Anyway, I have also been advised that I should just start writing the other project, and it didn't take me but half a second to see that this is just true. As soon as The Rake is whipped into shape, I'll start. Not feeling too great. Tired. Anyway, got to get to work.

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Sunday, October 17, 2004

Well, rollercoaster weekend for The Rake. The fixed stuff seems to be staying fixed, but then the stuff that comes after seems boring. Arghh! So first I deleted an entire chapter and then I realized I needed it for something, so I put it back and deleted all the really boring parts and moved it to a different spot where I think it will have a happier home. Sigh.

Also an agent with a snooty web presence rejected me. A form letter, too. Not enthusiastic, blah blah blah. Subjective opinions, blah blah blah. And I thought, well that sucks, but at least I don't have to worry about them anymore. See first paragraph. Probably just as well, though as I recall, I went through this business with The Spare and Lord Ruin. Both times I thought, oh, geez, this can't be fixed, it's too horrible and my career is over. But I did fix both of them. Good old desperation. That's the key. Which kind of sucks when you think about it.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

So, I'm back to 93.5K and that's just fixing the two late chapters that I reordered. Feeling much better about the book. Have been thinking about how to fix the last chapter, which is right now pretty lame. No surprise, I've known that for a long time. The last chapter always sucks until the end, at which time, it pretty much writes itself except the last paragaphs, which, obviously, need to be neatly tied up.

Anyway, not a single rejection yet. Not from anyone. Sigh. I don't think things have ever been so slow before. But, and I will add this, I have this idea in my head that if someone wants to sign me, they will call, even though in the past, contracts just arrived in the mail. Oh, anyway. Sheesh. They have my SASE, you'd think they'd use the dang things! Hmm. Maybe I complain too much.

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Sunday, October 10, 2004

So, there I was slogging away at fixing my gutted chapter (5-6 pages gone, just like that.) And about every minute and a half there was a reason to get up do anything but write. And then, all of a sudden, as I was desperately looking at other chapters for inspiration (so as to remind myself that the whole thing isn't a disaster) I knew how to fix it. And so I did. Now, for some time, I've been pretending it wasn't true that my fabulously hot encounter between my h/h wasn't too long, but as I was staring at that chapter (the mind works in mysterious ways) I realized that I could move one particular scene and GML's request to you-know-what with PE and that would be the fix and it was.

And the pesky little anal retentive in the back (ok, the front) of my head was jeering, "that's not new material, it's recycled old stuff, you'll only have 90K words left with a whole other chapter to cut, so you'll still be in trouble!" But that turned out not to be true. Because once I moved the stuff and smoothed the hole over in the original, I had to transition the material into its new home and purpose, and darned if I didn't end up with more words at the end. Plus, it's pretty good.

So, all in all, although I am still worried about the stuff I know sucks, there's less and less of it.

Also, I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

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Ok, The Rake is fantastic all the way to the part where it should be coming to a satisfying emotional ending. But then it sucks. I have ripped the guts out of an entire chapter (and, of course, moved it) and there's another one that has to go, too, only I haven't gotten that far yet. Right this very minute I should be replacing the six pages I cut with completely new material, only I'm just really stressed at the moment. Arghh! I am inarticulate right now. Deep breath. It's just that I really wish the good writing would just flow, but it never does. I only realize it's good after the fact.

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Friday, October 08, 2004

Well, slashed away at the opening chapters again. Getting better, but, oddly, not shorter. (still at 94K+) This is because as I slash the crap, I'm shoring up and adding parts that are better. I hope. That's what I'm telling myself. I hit a difficult spot and so I went and spent an hour and a half chatting online. But then I went back and fixed it. Well, I think I did. Re-read Mary Janice Davidson's Undead and Unwed and then felt bad because I can't write like that. Sigh.

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Thursday, October 07, 2004

Okay. Today I did a lot of surgery on The Rake. Chapter 1 has been trimmed even more. Much better. Yesterday's sag fix seems to have taken. But I reordered massively after that. I think it works way better. There were a couple of places where I wondered what the heck I was thinking when I put that there. I didn't actually get all the way though to the end because I ran out of time. But I've got all the changes made and in the MS. Tomorrow I'll have another go at it. At the moment, I don't feel so depressed about it. Yesterday I was afraid it was hopeless. P.O. Box empty today. No word from anybody on anything writing related.

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

OK. 3 days off with no responsibilities but to the writing. I've got the puppy ready and waiting. I want to start working with enough hours in front of me to keep reading. Assuming, of course, that I don't feel compelled to start ripping out. We'll see. I'm going to take my son to school and then head straight for Deaf Dog with my MS and the laptop.

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

My head's kind of spinning (think Linda Blair) but I think I've fixed the sag. I worked too late last night, at lunch at work and skipped the gym after work and went to a cafe to fix the two chapters I chopped up and changed pov on. And I just finished reading through some and I may be OK. Plus, something interesting happened in the BH chapter (which got moved from 13 to 7 in the general re-org of the sagging middle) that is likely to have a pleasing ripple effect throughout the beginning, which, however, must now be accounted for.

Have one request for 3 chapters plus a synopsis from an agent - but I'll have to wait to hear yay or nay from the previous. Feeling negative because CK has been back from vacation for 2 whole days and I haven't heard anything. Plus, nothing on The Rake either which I don't, at this exact moment, know if it sucks or not. Technically, I believe it's been 6 weeks, and technically, I ought to be able to rely on the representation that the proposal was OK rather than a full, and can assume a rejection, only OF COURSE that would be rude and unprofessional of me at this precise moment, but I am not good at patient. Sigh.

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Monday, October 04, 2004

Not feeling quite so depressed and dejected as yesterday. I've actually got most of the key fixes in with two chapters needing a change of pov. Back to work.

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Sunday, October 03, 2004

Sigh.

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I never hear other writers saying they spend time thinking their book is in OK shape only to discover later it actually sucked. Obviously, I am engaging in way too much self-deception. I have middle sag. Sigh.

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Sigh. Well, I've been reading The Rake. Sigh. On the bright side, I fixed some stuff. I have Thursday and Friday off this week, and a weekend free for me, so guess what I'll be working on? Sigh.

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