So, The Heir is at about 57K. Tomorrow I have to go to work and tonight I have to read for school. I spent today watching the kids (mine and my brother's) plus wrapping up some contest judging. There were some really good entries, which was great. But judging takes so much time to make sure you're giving good but honest feedback. I think I tend to be a tough scorer, but I really don't seem to be able to help it. I think I have to do less judging, particuarly with my Mondays gone. I am unhappier about this than I thought. I had been thinking that more money would ease the pain but that thought just really isn't there.

Time to get strict with myself. I am setting myself a one year-plan. In 2005, I will be fully vested in all the employer contributions to my 401K. If I can manage it and don't get fired, laid off or quit or something, I can take a huge risk and hopefully live for a while off what's left after penalties and write. That means pay down as much debt as I can between now and then, get an agent, and sell The Heir, A Stranger's Heart (which way needs a better title) and sell the rest of the Sinclair sisters, too. No prob.

Today is (was) my last writing Monday. I got a lot done. Last night I was reading it and thought parts sucked. Sigh. I am honing in on making my hero's motivations precise, so I've had to change a few things, all to the better. And I have re-ordered chapters, that's good. But now so many hours are just gone from my writing time. I will not sigh outloud anymore. Hopefully, it won't last. The other day, I had an email from someone who was wondering about A Stranger's Heart and whether there was a publication date. And it occurred to me that there's really no reason, other than lack of time, that I could not sell the story on spec and then, hey, just fix the silly thing. I could maybe be pitching The Heir, SH, and Lucy and Thrale etc and get a huge advance that would allow me to quit my day job and maybe just have a part time job. This is my new dream.

Well, the bad news is that starting March 29, I am back at work full time. Sigh. This is depressing. My writing Mondays are gone. Whether I will ever be able to go back to four days a week is not known. Doubtful I think, given the environment. Well. Heck. Nothing I can do about that since I cannot quit my job. So, I have been hearing very nice things lately from people who are writing to me about The Spare and even a few who have recently read Lord Ruin. But, it is clear to me that I have no hope of making a living from writing with print runs of 15,000. It doesn't matter how good the book is if hardly anyone actually gets to buy it. What is equally clear is, if the rule of thumb about intial sales applies, then the print run for Lord Ruin could easily have been 2-3x what it was and maintained a decent sell-through, but that assumes concomittant distribution. Now, I'm torturing myself about things I can do nothing about.

Writing went pretty well today, but many distractions and interruptions. The contractors were here to start work on the back bathroom, and, well, things turned out to be worse than the worst-case-scenario. Both the guys looked kind of pale and shaken. In fact, had things actually been the absolute worst-case, the contractors would have come here AFTER somebody fell through the shower floor. Apparently, the only thing holding the shower together was the mortar. So! [Using a bright and chipper voice] now we get a whole new bathroom! Then I wrote a letter and writing sample to HQN because they are looking for freelance MS readers and I want cash. Then I had school where I felt mostly pretty lame and stupid, plus, I am not a genius like Virginia Woolf. It's bad enough to live with not being Mary Balogh, and now this.

Sigh. Cash is nice but what I want is hours to sleep and write.

55K+ Going OK. Life is a bit crowded and it's looking like I'll be made to go back to work full time. sigh That is not good. sigh. Well, I haven't yet and so I will look foward to tomorrow and try to write like heck. I think I hit a boring part, but I'm not sure because I am way too tired to concentrate well. Must sleep.

I keep thinking I have to start writing the ending, but then I keep finding myself back at getting the R dead on. Which is good, but oh well. Stress. Too much stress in my life. All I need is hours.

Well, up to 54K+. Major Haggart's chapter is written. But now what? I am lacking in what next. Vague ideas do not cut it when one has vowed to write only the interesting parts not to mention having sworn never to write another transition scene. Arggh!!

53+ Things going well. But must spend many hours finding a decent focus for an upcoming school project.

Very close to 53K now. I made it back from Santa Fe, which was very pretty. I did not get to go home early Monday, in fact, I was there late. It was one disaster after another. Double ick, because I was really ill. But today I am much better because I didn't go to school last night but instead went to bed at 9pm. So, anyway, I have reordered some stuff, added the best friend, Major Haggart (this will, I think, be a Beaumonde inside joke) and today I started the chapter with the dashing major in it. It's going very well because today I made it to the gym for the first time in way too long, and while I was pedaling away, I think I worked out the ending issues. Which means that I do not have destined-for-trash ending chapters just lurking around being pathetic and inadequate. I'm pretty happy with the way I'm meteing out justice and perhaps surprising some with the actual culprit of some of the shenanigans.

Also, today I discovered that Eudora 6 was putting some mail into a junk folder and that Norton Anti-virus was putting other mail into yet another no spam folder and I found 4 requests for bookmarks in them! Sheesh! Those will be in the mail tomorrow a.m. And now I feel stupid for not figuring out what was happening...