Tuesday, November 21, 2006
i r r i t a t e d
Today I heard the following comment, in response to a remark about a lack of tension, said by someone in a group of people who wish to be (published) writers:
"Well, maybe that's how it works when you're writing for masses."Yeah. Because people who read "literary" books don't want any tension in their books. And all literary novels should have prologues that give away the whole freaking story. No action in literature! By golly, if there's something interesting happening on the page, you'd better f'n delete it before someone accidentally keeps reading.
And if you're trying to write a literary novel, here's some more advice. If you wrote it, it must be good. And, there's zero chance that anyone will disagree, and if they do, they're idiots, so you can safely ignore them. Also, start your story about 5 years before the actual plot starts and include everything you can think of so that your reader knows all about the characters lives before anything actually happens. Context is important.
Because I like to be helpful, here's a list of ways to start out your novel:
- Your protagonist wakes up. (should take at least an hour!) Note: Do NOT have your character wake up as a giant bug. Sheesh!
- A scene in which your protagonist is unpleasant, self-absorbed and thinking about something that happened ten years ago. It's helpful if there's no dialogue. It's especially helpful if this scene is set weeks away from anything that happens.
- A prologue. Make sure you give away the entire plot!
- Write in the present tense*
- Every third word is an adjective or adverb. When you're done, add several more.
- Leave out detail. Alternatively, put in extra helpings of detail. Detail for EVERYTHING
- Have your protagonist explain everything he or she says, then restate in narrative.
* I threw that in because I happen to dislike present tense. Probably because it reminds me of writing a synopsis.I mean, golly, Jack London never had tension or plot or action. Or Toni Morrison. Or Michael Chabon. Or--
Lookit. Novels are stories. Stuff happens in stories. Even literary ones.
