So, I'm judging a writing contest. Oh my. One of the entries is printed in ink that is not black. ohmygawd. I think I'm blind. None are very good. Two are wretched. One is just -- not -- good. One writer doesn't know the difference between illusive and elusive. WTF? I know I'm supposed to be supportive and positive. (Which is why I always comment in pencil.) And when I go through and re-read and reassess my scoring, I will do my darndest to add nice supportive positive comments and erase the ones that seem too blunt. But I don't have to do that here. So, after this BAD LANGUAGE ALERT! With no further ado:

• Commas do not exist, to be liberally sprinkled, wherever you fucking feel like, it.


• Talking heads. I hate talking heads. I don't know who's saying what to whom or where they are. Floating in space, I guess. Boring even the space time continuum to death. We're all going to die!! Except the talking heads because they have no body parts except mouths. They can't even see each other.


• It is not necessary to write the minutiae. He went to the closet and opened the door. He took out his coat. He put it on. For the love of Puppies everywhere! Just say the damned man put on his fucking coat, okay? And then he went out to skeet shoot. The talking heads play the role of skeet. ka-blam!


• Speaking of heads, could you please just get in one and effing stay there?


• I have my issues with men, but you know what? I do not believe they get an erection and think about sex in the middle of a crisis. If your hero does this, he's not alpha. If there's any justice, he's about to be dead.


• illusive is something that is not what it seems. elusive means hard to capture or find. So, a person you can't find is elusive. Like that "demmed elusive Pimpernel." Even if you seek him here or seek him there, the Scarlet Pimpernel is not illusive (except when you're talking to him and think he's a fop instead of a totally cool Alpha hunk.) See there's this thing called a dictionary, and another called a thesaurus. If you learn to use both, you might actually use words that convey the story in your head.


• Characters need a reason to be in your story. And that reason is NOT because it's convenient for you. Just like you can't give the hero a bitchy girlfriend just so the heroine will get all pouty about how the hunk (the jerk) has a girlfriend. Oh, gee. Too fucking bad. Man in the coat! Shoot the bitchy GF and the boyfriend too, for having such bad judgment.


• Why the fuck should I care about your stupid story? Make me. I dare you.

Ahem.

In other news, the big adjustment has been made in Possession. I feel better.